Better late than never

Hi- Well..I just have a minute to post on what's been going on lately. Tonight, I'm babysitting Skylar while Clint and Heidi enjoy a night out for her birthday. Tomorrow, I have the usual...teach adult ballet, go to play practice, go back to teach 3-4 year old ballet. Then come home, eat lunch and go grocery shopping. Sunday, we have our first tech run for the play. How time flies! Over the past week, the bible study with Colleen started. It's lead by Colleen and includes myself and 2 other women. It was soooo good. It's been so long since I've been part of a women's bible study like that. Good prayer..good teaching...good discussions...awesome encouragement. I went to counseling this week for the second time. It's good for me. It challenges me to be "me." I need to say what I feel more often. Easier said than done. So....I've been trying to be obedient to what God has called me to do...(start going to counseling and start going to a bible study). That will only make me a better person and hopefully more Christ-like in the end. Well...pray that I have peace amidst the busyness, and that I make time to relax and just be. Thanks!! Missy :)

A Break from the Norm

Hi Everyone- Well...I'm recovering from our break from the norm. We got a surprise (kind of) visit from Aaron's littlest sister, Megan, and her husband Joel. They have 2 cute little ones...Corbin who is 2 1/2 now, and Kayden who is over 5 months now. They arrived on Saturday in time for dinner and just left this morning. Aaron and I got immersed in the life of what it's like to have 2 little ones under the age of 2 1/2. It's quite a challenge and quite busy! There is hardly ever a moment of stillness. Thankfully, Megan has them on an awesome bedtime schedule of around 8:00...so we did have a bit of time together after 8. Poor little Kayden is trying to cut teeth so she was a little miserable but was smiley for lots of her visit too. Corbin went stir crazy quickly in a house with no baby toys. Megan did come prepared with a box of toys for him, but it was funner to play with my can opener, timer, and spices ("shake shake shake"-Corbin). So...now that they're gone, I found Corbin's precious timer next to the stairs, and his 3D glasses that Uncle Aaron gave him by the couch. I truly value quietness now. I'm sitting in a quiet house with no TV and no other human being. I'm just listening to soft, quiet, wonderful praise/worship music. It's wonderful. I know that our lives will definitely change once we have children. I'm sure it'll take me awhile to adjust....I won't be able to check my email whenever I want or go to bed whenever I want. It will no longer be me...but my priority will be my children...(after God and my husband). So...those are my thoughts as of now. I'm praying/hoping for an awesome night of uninterrupted, sleep-straight-through-till-morning kind of sleep. Thanks for reading and have a blessed day! Missy :)

Now what?!!

Well...the wonderous medicine they call "Clomid" which is supposed to cause "twinning" and multiples and all that failed. didn't work. did nothing. nada. zero. I also got my bloodtest results back today and the nurse simply said, "the results look good." To which I responded, "Is that all? That's all there is to say?" (I usually wouldn't have responded that abruptly but I've been extra moody/irritable lately) I asked about my progesterone level and she said it was 18.0 which is good. So...I asked now what? I have another refill on the clomid...do I just take that? She said yes and if it doesn't work I can come back in to the office and they can increase it. The dumb thing is that something obviously isn't working. There is something wrong in the equation and no one is finding out what it is. I would've loved a blood test result which said, "well...your progesterone is low so we'll give you some progesterone supplements" or something like that. I have no desire to take clomid again. I never liked the idea in the first place and there are side effects like cysts on your ovaries and stuff like that. So...I don't think I'll take it this month. I don't think I'll be taking anything this month.....no temperature taking...no ovulation predictor kits...no mapping it on the calendar. It drives me crazy, and the let down is so much harder when there's so much hope. The good news, is that all this craziness/turmoil has lead me to realize that I can't go through this alone. So...tomorrow I'm cashing in on my new health insurance's free mental health counseling. I found a Christian woman who has a master's in pastoral counseling, and I won't have to pay a penny to go...(I don't think.) I'm also going to start going to this intense bible study with a woman from church that I sought out. It'll meet EVERY week...yeah!!! So....hopefully with all those supports in place, this journey will be a little bit easier. It's like there's a huge heavy backpack on my back that I'm always carrying around called "infertility." Every 28 days there's the hope that I may be able to take the backpack off. I start to take my arm out of the backpack strap, and then the backpack gets dropped back on my back. Also, the backpack gets a little bit heavier each month. I've been carrying it now for 30 months. What I need is people to just say that they understand that it must be hard and that they're praying for me. And I need someone to cry with me on day 28 when the backpack gets dropped back on. It hurts extra much on that day. So...that's a look into what I'm thinking. I'm not asking for pity. Just a miracle. Here are the lyrics from "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick. I love this song...especially today. Love, Missy

She never slows down
She doesn't know why
But she knows that when she's all alone
It feels like it's all coming down

She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries that first tear
The tears will not stop raining down

Chorus:
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She's running from
Wants to give up and lie down